The Days of the Week If They Were People

Monday walks into work, half awake and filled with Adderall. Despite his ragged attire, his over-washed, once navy now sky blue button-up, and his breath that reeks of cheap coffee, his overall appearance is passable. He’s not much of a crowd favorite and most tend to avoid him if they can. Everyone except the small percent who show up to their desk half an hour ready– with bright smiles on their faces. Sometimes they bring a dozen donuts to share. This endears them to Monday, somewhat, but even still his mood is mostly all but pleasant. He opts for raising his eyebrow rather than giving a half hearted wave to Tuesday as she walks by because he’s still waking up from his Nyquil induced sleep.

Tuesday is much more put together. She walks to and from her desk to the lounge room, scrounging for sugar to spill into her already too-sweet mocha latte. Her overall demeanor is stiff. Her shoes are black and sleek and taper to a point that could do some real damage if she were so inclined. Her hair is spun tightly in a French twist. Heaven forbid a single strand escape from its perfect fold. She pays in exact change and eats with her lips pulled slightly back so her red lipstick doesn’t smear. She’s the kind to grab a donut from Thursday, but mumble about his work ethic in her cubicle.
No one really likes her either, but she gets invited to more parties than Monday.

Wednesday is a real charmer. She’s also a bit of a wildcard. One minute she could be spying for Monday and the next, gossiping with the weekends. She’s always eager to lend a helping hand, giving you that extra push to send you down the hill. Most of the time you land on your face, but there are a few times where you land on your face but the crash isn’t as hard. She usually arrives 14 minutes too late or 33 minutes too early, there’s never an in-between. She’s been known to pour milk before cereal, but she throws great parties so it’s a judge’s overall score of 7.

Thursday tries. He has jokes at the ready, but no one really wants to know what happens when a judge, a parrot, and a naked cyclist walk into a church. Still, his ceaseless optimism can be refreshing. He’s the hype man no one really asked for, but still tolerate because his older brother is just so damn cool. But despite how many donuts he may bring, he still lives in the perpetual shadow of his parents’ favorite, Friday.

Now Friday is the man to be. That is if you want to perfect half-baked proposals and have an affinity for cheap beer. He’s nice enough to ask how your day is going, but not too nice that he’ll actually care about your answer. Still, he’s a crowd pleaser– in more ways than one. Mainly because he always offers to pay for dinner or take your whole tab even if you’re just a few coins short, but don’t be fooled. Friday is mischievous and just dangerous enough to be exciting but not too much to be alarming. He’s been known to clock out a bit too early, but no one blames him

Saturday lives by maybe one or two morals and the rest are few and far between. She hardly takes a break from going out or shopping with the money Friday has given her because she’s “his good little girl.” She takes LSD four times a month– sometimes consecutively if it’s Spring Break– because she read somewhere online that it boosts creativity and is responsible for the Mona Lisa. She’s more than a bit reckless, but everyone, well everyone except Tuesday, can agree she’s a good time. Free to laugh and eager to jump with both eyes closed, she can be a bit daunting and hard to keep up with, but all the best stories start with Saturday.

Now, Sunday is the calm before the storm. Usually pissed because he wasn’t picked first again, he’s easily mollified with a hot coco and baby marshmallows. In the mornings, he tends to the gardens or cleans the garage and sometimes he goes to church if his mother asks him. But mostly, he sleeps, tangled legs interwoven with the covers, slightly damp from the hot summer’s day. He tends to shower late into the afternoon and binge watch pirated episodes his favorite mini series. He eats day old pizza, cold and just right. At the edge of 1, he crawls back into bed, staring up into the ceiling as the fan whirls in an lulling buzz. He enjoys a peaceful 5 hours of sleep before he wakes up to head into work for Monday.

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